Personal Spaces
by showoswinthestars
Summary: Cas and Dean's first kiss.


**a/n - ** This is part of a series I'm doing on the first kisses of various ships but I can't add different fandoms to the same story here so I'll publish them separately. this is the second one (the first was Johnlock).

* * *

_Shooting stars. They look like shooting stars. But they are not. Angels. They are all angels. Falling from Heaven. Cast down by Metatron._

_Castiel looked up at all his family falling and burning. No more angels. He was not an angel anymore. And he didn't deserve to be. He got what he deserved. It is his fault, all of it. He believed Metatron, and now all the angels are falling. He messed up. Again. He trusted the wrong people. Again. Too much heart was always his problem, that's what everyone said, and now all his brothers and sisters will pay the price. And he didn't know what to do._

_Dean. He needs to find Dean. The last thing he heard, "Castiel", Dean crying, praying, needing help, needing his angel. But Cas can't help, not anymore, he needs help now. So alone, so guilty, so lost._

Cas woke up in a motel room. He was covered with cold sweat and he had to fight to hold back the tears. The worst thing about being human was the nightmares. Every night, always the same, always about that terrible night when he ruined everything. He closed his eyes, trying to calm down.

"Hey."

He opened his eyes and looked up, Dean was walking toward his bed. He didn't ask if he's okay, he didn't ask what happened, because he knew, he always knew. Cas have been having nightmares ever since he started to sleep and Dean knew, none of them could possibly be okay after everything they've been through.

"Dean. I… I'm sorry I woke you up."

Dean sat at the edge of Cas's bed and looked at him, "Talk to me."

Cas looked down, and then at the other side of the room, where Sam was still sleeping. He didn't have to say anything, Dean followed his eyes and understood.

"Okay. Come on, we're going out."

They both got dressed and Dean led him to the motel's bar. Dean ordered two beers and looked at Cas. Not waiting for the answer he didn't get before, he said, "we're gonna fix that, you, Sam, Heaven. Everything."

"It's all my fault, Dean. I helped Metatron. I trusted him. I wanted to fix everything and it got us here."

"Cas, listen to me. You had no way of knowing what he wanted to do. You have to believe it. We need you to do this things with us, _I_ need you."

"I'm trying, but the guilt, the sorrow, sometimes it's just too much to bear. It's so much worse than before. "

"Yeah," Dean took a swig from his beer, "Being human would do that to you."

"I don't know how you and Sam do it, stay so strong after everything."

"We fake it. We put a smile on our face, and we just keep going." Dean said with his best smile, not entirely fake this time. He looked Cas in the eyes and added, "It doesn't always work, but we have each other to pull us through the rough time." Their eyes stayed on each other's for a few more seconds until Dean turned his look to the beer at his hands. Drowning the problems in alcohol might not be the best solution, but it helps.

After a few more drinks they left the bar, Cas was struggling to walk straight, and Dean laughed at him, "dude, you're drunk!"

"Yes, it's seems that this body is much less tolerate to alcohol than I remembered." He walked over to a nearby bench and sat down.

They sat outside for a while, until Cas broke the silence, "Dean, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything." Cas turned to him, "I messed up again. With you, and Sam and the angels." He looked down to his hands, playing with the edge of his trench coat. He was much more restless now that he was a human. "You needed my help. And I wasn't there. Even before Metatron, I left you, and I am sorry."

"We've talked about this already, Cas. It doesn't matter. What's important now is for Sam to heal from those trials, and for you to get your angel mojo back. We're going to kick Metatron in the ass and we're going to return all the angel back up there."

"I know. I just needed to say it again." He was looking at the sky, thinking about his former home and he suddenly felt the need to be close to someone. He moved a little on the bench, closer to Dean. He half expected Dean to move away but he didn't. Instead, Dean put his hand on Cas's, trying to comfort him. When they made eye contact, Cas leaned even closer. Dean always complained that he doesn't understand the concept of personal space, but this time, Cas did it on purpose, and Dean didn't back away.

They kept their eyes locked, Cas closed the last few centimeters that were separating their faces and kissed Dean. Dean wasn't sure if it was because they were drunk, or it was something else but at this moment, he didn't really care. He kissed him back and everything was okay. Sam was alive and recovering, they had enough knowledge of Hell to really make a difference, even without shutting the gates, and he got his angel back. After all this time, he finally got his Cas back, not possessed, not insane, not completely broken, just Cas.

The kiss seemed to last forever and when they got back to the motel room they both knew they wouldn't tell Sam, not yet. For now, it was their secret. A good secret for a change, and it was theirs, and everything was a little bit brighter.


End file.
